Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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