I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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