You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
