don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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