I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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