I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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