Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
