There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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