my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
