You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
