If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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