dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
