people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
