Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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