so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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