i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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