Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up

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  (847): you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up http://tfl.nu/wwvz
  Replies (1) Good night (1289) Bad night (710)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."

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  (404): My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America." http://tfl.nu/2jbp
  Replies (24) Good night (6747) Bad night (970)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.

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  (504): ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town. http://tfl.nu/omo7
  Replies (14) Good night (6446) Bad night (1095)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence

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  (570): Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence http://tfl.nu/3zfv
  Replies (3) Good night (1053) Bad night (622)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito

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  (702): I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito http://tfl.nu/vmgk
  Replies (4) Good night (1847) Bad night (649)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother

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  (865): I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother http://tfl.nu/1rmv
  Replies (7) Good night (1458) Bad night (1083)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?

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  (201): Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend? http://tfl.nu/zwy0
  Replies (9) Good night (2767) Bad night (710)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?

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  (757): is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle? http://tfl.nu/66tk
  Replies (12) Good night (1701) Bad night (789)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."

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  (239): Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..." http://tfl.nu/k8r7
  Replies (15) Good night (890) Bad night (2482)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday

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  (603): Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday http://tfl.nu/obg3
  Replies (10) Good night (1745) Bad night (551)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.

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  (770): Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning. http://tfl.nu/57kn
  Replies (4) Good night (396) Bad night (681)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators

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  (716): Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators http://tfl.nu/mdm6
  Replies (8) Good night (1109) Bad night (649)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'

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  (443): SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK' http://tfl.nu/77su
  Replies (3) Good night (965) Bad night (375)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook

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  (610): So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook http://tfl.nu/uied
  Replies (1) Good night (328) Bad night (587)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow

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  (856): The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow http://tfl.nu/j3uj
  Replies (3) Good night (283) Bad night (461)

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