he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
