wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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