My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
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Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
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Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.