bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...