We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone