Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."