she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
