Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
