I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
