why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
