Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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