I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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