haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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