Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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