I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I've blown a few things in my day
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
