my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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