Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
