Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
