So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
