I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
