Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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