***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I smell like Dick and happiness
Two words: nipple clamps
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