Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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