my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
