After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
