I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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