Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
