You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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