sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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