How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize