dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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