You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
