they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
