Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
