I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
