I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
