the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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