Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
