you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize