The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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