I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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