When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
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I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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