my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize