my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
