god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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