after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
