My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
