i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
