Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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