booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
