What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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