i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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