you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
