At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
