nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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