I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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