You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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