you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
