You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Randomize
