She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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