Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
