So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
