Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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