I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
