Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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