After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's never too late to be topless.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
