it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
