The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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