so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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