We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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