What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The beer is more important than you right now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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