i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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