When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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