My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
