Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
