I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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