Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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