first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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