i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
