you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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