remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
