some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
