My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
