He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
